What's it like from Carol's side of the brain?

It is so hard for us to understand what is going on in our Loved Ones (LO) brain. The brain is loaded with thousands of cells, jangles, protons, neurons, etc. All very complicated for most of us. But the end result is a lot of dead and dying cells. These cells do a lot of things like causing us to breath, smell, see, talk, eat, and most important to this discussion-----to think and remember. Carol has lost most of her long term as well as short term memory. She does not know what day it is. What your name is. Where we live. How many kids and grandkids we have. but she does recogonize a friendly face that somehow turns her happy and even talkative. But the words are very hard to make any sense. Sometimes we do recognize a word or two but a sentance is almost impossible to recogonize. But it is so hard to visualize what Carol is seeing or thinking. It has to be hard for her brain to not recogonize what is going on. What are people saying, What she needs to do, say or what!

Taking a bath is something that seems to go early. She really looses her composure in the morning at bath time. I think it has something to do with her pride. She has always taken her baths without any assistance but now she finds me drawing the bath, putting in the bubble bath and urging her to get in the tub. It really makes her mad. From her side, the part of her brain that gives her independance and she thinks I am taking it away. I am the bad guy. Sometimes I am the "Devil". Then when she is in the tub, it even gets harder. The use of soap and the reason for it have been lost. I try to give her help and instructions but again, that is her territory and I am intruding.

At meal times, I might ask Carol to hand me a knapkin but pointing at the holder. She sees the direction but has no idea what it is I am asking for. She might touch a fork, a saltl shaker, etc. Naturally it is frustrating for me, but think what it must be from her side. She wants to help and do something when asked but does not know what. And the sad part, she sometimes realizes that she does not understand what I am asking. All she might see is a table full of stuff that she can not name. I ask her to get the milk out of fridge and she tries to open the right door but has no idea what I am asking for. from her side, it is just more confusion.

She loves to look at picture albums and does recoganize people like her dad, mother, brother and sister and knows who they are. Not their names but at least the family relationship. She recoginizes the grandkids but not who they belong to. She does recogonize Carman and Eric but not when I am trying to tell her where we are going and whose house it is.

Carol's Brain has lost so many cognitive cells in her brain that she really can't carry on conversations, does not know the name of anything, can not put things away where they belong, or even know that we still love her. Her brain turns to anger when it gets confused and that is usually at her caregiver, which is usually me. These bad things are not her fault and I have to constantly remind myself that those things from the past are gone, apparently for ever. Yes, she dies a little everyday and that is very sad.

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